No, it’s not what you think (yes, I am looking at you in the corner, sniggering).

Picture the scene. You’ve been out with workmates for a few drinks, and you are a bit merry. I have a tendency to be a happy drunk, and upon arriving home, I was indeed in a good, warm, glowing mood. This was back when I lived with my parents, and they happened to be hosting our new neighbours. A few snacky bowls and plates had been laid out, containing the usual snacky fare (crisps, peanuts etc). One bowl was filled with a snack known as ‘cheese savouries’. Weirdly, you can buy these on Ebay, though they are considerably cheaper at a supermarket. I rather like these, though I have made a conscious effort to curtail my intake, for they are hardly the healthiest snack out there.

Now, when I am drunk, or even semi-drunk, I can get a bit tongue-tied. It was therefore a huge risk for me to ask for someone to pass me these snacks. You see, my intention was to ask for the cheesy nibbles. Instead, in front of my parents and my new neighbours, I blurted out ‘pass the cheesy nipples‘.

Instant mortification. Immediate humiliation. A story for the ages, that I have never been permitted to forget. I had not met my wife at that point, but this embarrassing story has served as a pointed (get it?!) reminder to think before one speaks! She is aware of this tale, and does not hesitate to remind me of it!