Writing Prompts: Roast Your Favorite Celebrity

I’m gonna struggle with this one. Firstly, I don’t know who I would regard as my favourite celebrity! Secondly, could I bring myself to roast them?! What seasoning would I use? What’s the best part to eat? What… oh, you mean roast as in make fun of? Ah, I see.

I still don’t know who I would consider to be my favourite celebrity. My boyhood hero was Nigel Mansell. I regard Sir Patrick Stewart as a brilliant and inspiring actor. As a teenager, I considered Cristina Aguilera to be the most incredibly beautiful woman on this earth (and she can belt out a tune too). Who do I choose?! Well, in the end, as much as he has been a hero for my club, I have to pick Steven Gerrard, of Liverpool football club.

Why Gerrard? Why pick upon the man who single-handedly drove Liverpool forward, during eras of mediocrity? Why roast the man who got Liverpool back into the epic Champions League Final of 2005, and lifted the trophy? It absolutely pains me to do this, but in the end, he’s because he slipped up.

I don’t mean that metaphorically. I mean, he literally slipped, and in the process, cost Liverpool the 2014 Premier League title. The Reds were playing Chelsea at Anfield, and in the course of a simple pass, Gerrard stumbled, allowing Chelsea to get the ball and race clear on goal. Chelsea took the lead, in a game that was pivotal to the title battle, and they would go on to win. It wasn’t necessarily the decisive blow, but I believe it was a powerful one. It derailed the momentum the club had achieved. It hurt confidence and morale. It was devastating, it hurt. Steven Gerrard will always be a legend for how he led the team forward, and rightly so, but that slip, that cursed slip…

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