I offer up this Prompt because recently, I was accused of being a narcissist, ironically from someone who more readily fits the bill for actually being one. The concept rattled around my brain for a few days, until I decided the best way to express my thoughts was via a Prompt.
Duke Health offers up nine traits of narcissists:
- Sense of self-importance
- Preoccupation with power, beauty, or success
- Entitled
- Can only be around people who are important or special
- Interpersonally exploitative for their own gain
- Arrogant
- Lack empathy
- Must be admired
- Envious of others or believe that others are envious of them
Do any of these traits apply to me?
I would like to believe I am not especially concerned with my own self-importance. I offer my personal thoughts and feelings via my blog, and that’s it. I don’t tell others how to think or feel, I do not threaten people with notions of punishment if they disagree with me, and I try to be even-handed.
Do I have a preoccupation with power or success? Not especially. I would like to be earning more, but that’s pretty normal for most people. I would like to sell more books, but if I do, great, and if I don’t, I am not distraught. I am not especially enamoured with the rich and famous.
Do I feel entitled? Not especially.
In terms of being around people who are important or special, well, I consider my wife and daughter to be important and special to me, does that mean I have a trait of a narcissist? Somehow, I don’t think that’s what’s meant by ‘important and special’. Don’t get me wrong, if I were placed in a room with actors from Star Trek tomorrow, I’d be slightly giddy, and I certainly hold them in high regard, but I can cope without being around them!
Do I exploit my relationships for personal gain? Again, I don’t think so.
Am I arrogant? I think I can sometimes display arrogance, but compared to other people I know? I don’t think so.
Do I lack empathy? I’ll leave it to others to judge, but again, I think I have quite a lot of empathy.
Must I be admired? I am not fussed by whether or not I am admired for my views. I do not blog in order to preen and strut.
Am I envious of others? That depends on what I should be envious of? do I envy the bank balance of Lewis Hamilton? Sure. Do I envy him as a person? No, why would I?
Of course, through all of this, sometimes an external perspective would be better. Answering these points for myself is after all going to lead to slightly biased answers!
One thing to arise from this little comment is a slight change to my comments policy. Users must now be registered in order to leave comments. I am sure certain parties will whine about this, but this change is to ensure accountability. It is unfortunate that I have to do this, but since certain parties believe they are entitled to be abusive, it is a measure I have no choice but to take.
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The issue is humility, not narcissism? When someone calls someone else
Accidentally transmitted.
Anyway, the issue is humility. Since not one of us is humble, it is rather silly to call someone else a narcissist.
Consider how Pastor Rick Warren posed the problem.
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less. Humility is thinking more of others. Humble people are so focused on serving others, they don’t think of themselves.”
From => https://aaronarmstrong.co/what-cs-lewis-wrote-is-better-than-what-he-didnt/
I don’t disagree with your premise.
What I wish I had is context for David’s comment. He laid the remark at my doorstep, so to speak, but did not provide any context, and I suspect he will not do so. It is more likely he will claim I am ‘distorting’ what he said, even though what he said was quite a vague accusation, thus leaving plenty of room for intepretation.
Ben
I am not much interested refereeing your dispute with David. I try to avoid attacking people personally. At the same time, I don’t spend much effort trying to defend myself from nebulous assaults on my character. God is our judge. I try to defer to Him. Let the other guy wallow in the mud.
Consider the consequences of your efforts to defend yourself from being called a narcissist. You wrote a post focusing on yourself. Doesn’t that defeats the purpose of the post? Because we cannot be objective, it is very difficult to perceive pride in ourselves. All we can do is try to focus on the needs others, not our self. Of course, the moment we think ourselves successful, we will be proud of that.
Nothing is more humbling than trying to be humble.
I’m not asking you to referee anything Tom. I’m merely pondering out loud what the reasoning is of the person who made the accusation.
The other issue is, does running a personal blog, where I speak of the events of my life, and the people in it, make me a narcissist? By that reasoning, anyone who runs a personal blog who references anything about their life, is a narcissist, except the definition of narcissism doesn’t mean you cannot refer to your own interests or experiences.
Ben
What makes behavior narcissistic? Well, let’s use a different expression, pride. What makes behavior prideful, an exhibitionistic display?
Pride is the root of narcissism. Pride provides the motivation. Pride is not measurable. We cannot directly detect pride. We only know that pride is part of everything we do and say because our motives are never pure.
So, is a personal blog a sign of narcissism? Is a particular post? That depends upon our motivation. Are we posting to serve others or to elevate our self over others?
Sometimes I am not sure why I posted something.
Who can say if they themselves are indeed narcissist? Who is actually qualified to judge whether someone else is? I appreciate you have no desire to get involved in the dispute between me and David, but the question I would pose to him is why he feels it appropriate to level such charges at me, without so much as a word of explanation for his reasoning.
Ben
It seems to me you are trying to play the victim. Think about how that sounds.
“Who? Me? A narcissist? What makes you think I am a narcissist? I am the most humble soul there is.”
There is a proverb.
“Proverbs 19:11 New American Standard Bible
11 A person’s discretion makes him slow to anger,
And it is his glory to overlook an offense.”
Tom, I have been repeatedly subjected to insults and accusations, without anything even resembling justification or verification. I am not ‘playing’ at anything. I have every right to request clarification for his remarks, which all I have asked for.
Ben
It may or may not be as you say, but why does it matter?
Why shouldn’t it? I have taken efforts to end matters with David, including going as far as to try to block him from my site, only for him to circumvent the block. I have done him the curtesy of removing any mention of his real identity from my site, without so much as an acknowledgement from him. I have tried to be steadfast in my efforts to ignore him, yet he persists. He appears so desperate to be obnoxious towards me that he created what certainly seems to be a new email account, with which to make his insults. He lacks the integrity to use my name or link to my site.
I have tried what I can Tom, and I am weary of it. Does it matter? In the grand scheme of things, of life and the universe, perhaps not. It does however, matter to him , for why else would he persist with behaviour such as wild accusations, or insults? The only option left to me would be to render my site completely private, though I fail to see why I should.
Forgive me, I am ranting, but honestly, what would you have me do? I have exhausted virtually every option available for there to be, at the very least, reasonable discourse with David. He cannot conceive of any scenario where his behaviour is inappropriate, even going so far as to defend calling me a moron, under his guise that such insults are a form of constructive criticism. If you can think of a way to have a reasonable, adult discussion with someone who thinks like that, I am all ears.
In other words, it doesn’t matter.
*Shrug* perhaps not to you. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter to me when someone lies about me and insults me.
…am I the only one who noticed the traits spell out “SPECIAL ME?” That’s sort of what a narcissist would say too. LOL
Took me a moment to spot that!