Once again Paul has created a quiz. Once again I will attempt to answer the questions. What could go wrong?!

THE 10 QUESTIONS

1. Rank your top five favourite Halloween candy and explain your choices.

I have a tendency to like the bite-size chocolate bars. My favourite is the Snickers, which I have always enjoyed. Mars bars are good too, but Snickers is better. I also like the jelly sweets – Haribo packs, and the traditional sweet-shop sweets. Tangy/sour versions don’t go amiss either.

2. In horror films, the victim normally runs upstairs while the killer is chasing them around the house. If you were to write a “what not to do” handbook for future characters in horror films, what would your chapter titles be?

Do not run into a room/building. Do not shout if anybody is there. Do not loiter in the old cemetery at midnight. Do not read from the ancient evil book after being specifically told it cause serious danger.

3. If there was a monster under your bed, what would it look like?

It would look like me. Humans are the biggest monsters, and I would reflect my own evil.

4. I Know What You Did Last Summer follows a group of friends who are trying to keep the details of last summer under wraps, while being stalked by a killer with a hook. What is something you did this past summer that you did not share on social media?

In all honesty I can’t think of anything that wasn’t shared!

5. If you were to provide a trick instead of a treat, what would your trick be?

Does dancing badly count?

6. How long can you wear a Halloween costume before wanting to change into something else? Please provide a specific amount of time.

I reckon I could wear my latest outfit for at least one hour.

7. What Halloween decoration could we, as a society, do without?

This is tough. Halloween is meant to be fun but also a little scary. The scare factor is part of the fun factor, though sometimes things can go too far. There was a spate of people dressing up as creepy clowns and stalking people menacingly – that’s not in the name of fun, and you can never be too sure what such people are truly up to. I guess if I had to retire a decoration, it would be clown-themed mannequins and figures.

8. The songs, “Thriller” and “Monster Mash” have really cornered the market on “background-song-for-a-slideshow-of-student’s-Halloween-costumes”. What song was at the top of the Billboard Top 100 list the year you started high school? (You can find this on Google). Did you like the song?

Whitney Houston’s ‘I Will Always Love You’ was the biggest song of the year. I do like the song, though at the time it was over-played, thus denting my appreciation of it.

9. What is your favourite Halloween-themed movie?

I can tell you the Halloween-themed film I can’t stand – Spooky Buddies. Yes, I know it’s aimed at kids, but it’s awful. My daughter loved it when she was younger and so we had to watch it a lot. One film I enjoyed was the original Scream film. It had genuine suspense the first time around. Signs was good, though not really Halloween-themed it had moments that scared the willies out of me! Oh, The Ring (the 2002 US version, I haven’t seen the original Japanese version) also left me haunted. In fact I’ll say The Ring for that reason.

10. Bobbing for apples is a cliché party game that poses multiple health risks. If you threw a Halloween party, what activities would you provide?

How about Halloween-themed piñatas? I’m not good at party games, apart from maybe some drinking games?!

BONUS QUESTIONS

1. Tell me a scary story.

Donald Trump is President again.

But seriously, lemme think…

‘He awoke surrounded by bodies. They were not vibrant living souls but corpses, pale and devoid of life. They lay on the cold soil next to him and even in death their eyes stared accusingly into his own, as though blaming him for their demise. He counted at least four prone forms, but as he scuttled away he bumped into another, and recoiled in fright.

None of them appeared to have any obvious injuries, yet the skin of the one he touched was as cold as ice, and similar in colour. The body – of a man – shared the same angry stare.

“What… what is happening?” He muttered to himself. He attempted to stand, but his legs had turned to jelly and his body began to shake. He looked skyward and saw only the night sky, but then something else became clear – he was in a deep trench, a pit lined with smooth walls carved from the soil. He could see no obvious ladders and his hands could gain no purchase on the slippery walls. He was trapped, in a mass grave, surrounded by the dead, and there was nothing he could do. He called for help. His lungs strained from the effort to shriek repeatedly, but no one appeared to hear him. At least, no one of any kindness. After a while a shadow passed overhead.

“It appears I missed one.” A strange, faintly hissing voice spoke from above. “I think I can manage one more.”

A serpentine shape slithered into view. The… thing was covered in slimy green and red scales and it lowered itself into the pit, flicking its tongue at him. “You should have kept quiet. Now… you’re food.” It launched itself with blinding speed and sank its fangs into his neck. He screamed and punched and kicked but he felt the venom pump into his body, and despite the absolute terror of the moment he suddenly felt very tired. It was only then that he became aware of the puncture marks on the necks of the other victims. As his heart slowed and his brain became fogged, he felt at peace, but the accusing eyes of the others never left him. His dying thought was to wonder why they hated him, even in death.’

2. Put two minutes on the clock. Type as much as you can about anything pumpkin related, before time expires.

I don’t need two minutes. All can tell you is they are used in pie and have seeds and are used at Halloween.

3. List all the costumes you’ve ever worn for Halloween.

Hmm. I don’t remember what I wore as a kid, but going trick-or-treating with my daughter I have been a wizard and a cockerel. Yes, seriously.

4. Are you a scarecrow or a jack-o’-lantern?

Jack-o-lantern, easy. They’re not usually static, unlike the scarecrow.