Q. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? A. Thanks for coming!

Q. What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft? A. Chewing gum

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn’t the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists, “it’s just ice cream.”

What’s long and hard and full of semen? A submarine!

Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. A. Thank you all for coming.