What does it mean to be masculine in the 21st Century? An intriguing question. What does it take to be ‘manly’ these days?

Inspired by this post from Lisa Fouweather, I thought I would ask these questions of myself. Lisa explores how masculinity does not have to be an abrasive trait, whilst I… I will be stewing over what it means to me.

Firstly, I undoubtedly, subconsciously, certainly follow certain stereotypes. In my household I am the breadwinner. I go to work, five days a week, every week. My wife is a homemaker, and whilst some might look down upon her for that, it is a full-time job. She works hard, and she does a fantastic job with our daughter.

When I have days off, I confess that sometimes, I am quite lazy. I feel as though I’ve earned a break. After all, I am at work, five days a week, every week. I do not want to spend my days off at home being busy. However, I will take my daughter to school, and collect her. I will do the washing up. I’ll even occasionally run the vacuum cleaner around. I don’t do these things on every day off (though I nearly always collect my daughter from school), but I do do these tasks, because my wife deserves a breather of her own, and because these tasks are not beneath me. Doing the washing up is not a feminine task. Vacuuming is not a feminine task. To be honest, the whole idea of (as one former manager put it) ‘blue jobs and pink jobs’ strikes me as absurd.

We route certain jobs – indeed certain elements of life – in terms of huge gender stereotypes, and I am yet to understand who benefits from this. Boys are taught that being open about their emotions is a sign of weakness. Girls are taught that their worth in society can be determined by how men value their attractiveness, and that attractiveness is defined as ‘how women can please and help men’. Boys are conditioned to believe that women are valuable only in terms of how they benefit men. This gives rise to the toxic Andrew Tates of this world.

With this comes other problems, and it is not without irony that these problems, which men’s rights activists and MGTOWs often complain about, are rooted in stereotypical views of masculinity. Family courts will often award custody of children to the mother, because society – a patriarchal society – has created the idea that women are naturally better caregivers, and better at emotional support. A lot of the time, MRAs and MGTOWs will reinforce the idea that gender roles are what’s best for society (and we see this reinforced by most organised religions too, which are often very patriarchal in nature), and cannot seem to understand this is why custody of children usually goes to the mother rather than the father. Bottom line, if you wish to inhabit old-fashioned, stereotypical views of masculinity, don’t be surprised if they bite you in the ass.

You can be masculine and kind. The two do not have to be mutually exclusive traits. You can masculine, and discuss problems with your family and friends. You can be masculine, and embrace stuff like body-building, cars, sports etc, and still appreciate nature, cuddle your cat, and talk to your loved ones about how you’re feeling. You can be loving and affectionate to your family, you can have a love of sci-fi and fantasy, and still go out and ride horses and rustle cattle, and still be masculine.

Perhaps, in many ways, it would be better to retire the concepts of masculinity and femininity altogether. Instead of packaging people into tightly-defined roles based on their genitals, and teaching half of the human race that emotions are a weakness, whilst teaching the other half their value lies in their attractiveness, perhaps we try treating people as people, as individuals, all of unique worth?