Paul has done it again. He’s quizzing us, possibly with a view to gathering so much personal data that he will steal and consume multiple identities. Eventually he’ll become too powerful to contain! For now though, I will surrender to his will.

His will this time centres around the number five. Five is the atomic number of boron, there are five elements according to Hindu cosmology, there was a boy band called Five at one point, and there is a series of books called The Famous Five. Will any of this prove relevant to the quiz?! Let’s get down to it.

1. The Fab Five were a group of all-freshmen starters for the 1991 Michigan men’s basketball team. What is something you immediately excelled at?

Hmm. Hmmmmmmmm. I’m chewing the inside of my mouth as I ponder this one. I don’t especially feel like I’ve excelled at anything, but I guess I would say I picked up swimming quite easily. It’s a skill I am grateful to have, for it’s extremely useful and opens the door to a lot of fun. Waterslide parks are great, but you need confidence in the water, and I feel like I developed that quite quickly.

2. One Direction was a boy band that eventually went in five directions. If you were in a five person band, would you be the first one to leave? Why or why not?

I think I’m more suited to a group arrangement in this kind of scenario. I’d be more comfortable being in the ensemble, melting into the background harmony. Granted, in other circumstances I’d be happy to… if not lead, take a bigger role, but in singing… trust me, you don’t want to know!

3. Five Alive is a line of various fruit juice blends. Create a new drink and include any number (other than five) in its name. Tell me about the new drink.

I’d cash in on a video game – Left 4 Dead Blood Orange Juice. The sharp tang of blood orange juice is something I’ve always enjoyed, and I can see a range of similar intense fruity flavours on the way – grapefruit, raspberry and so forth.

4. In the mid-2000s, WWE Superstar John Cena had a weekly segment on WWE.com called, “Five Questions With The Champ” where he answered fan questions. If you were to send a celebrity five questions, who would it be and what would you ask?

I’d ask my boyhood hero Nigel Mansell a whole bunch of questions, and restricting myself to only five would be very difficult! To begin, I’d ask for his thoughts on his famous duel with Ayrton Senna in Monaco in 1992, and also his straight-line race against the Brazilian in Spain in 91. Secondly, I’d ask him which of his F1 cars was the biggest pleasure to drive.

For my third question, I’d want to know what, if anything, he’d redo with his career if he had a do-over. Fourth (just for giggles, and to provoke a bit of controversy), who did he rate higher, Senna or Prost – and finally, I would ask him what he would have done if he hadn’t become an F1 driver.

5. The San Francisco 49ers have won five Super Bowls, with their last one coming in 1995. What is something from 1995 that you wish we still had and/or did in 2021?

This is tricky, because in some ways we do have a few things from 1995 – the Super Nintendo Entertainment system has been resurrected in mini and online form. We can access old TV shows from back then, and games, and music… I guess I personally can’t think of anything, save for easy availability of a wide range of Star Trek, Star Wars and Babylon 5 Micro Machines.

6. When you type, “Where are the” into Google, what is the fifth autocomplete option?

Where are the Himalayas?

7. The TV show, Breaking Bad, had five seasons. What is your favourite TV show and how many seasons does it have?

Choosing a favourite TV show is going to be very difficult! The mid-nineties had a Disney Channel show called Gargoyles that ran for three seasons, though the last season was very weak (different writers and a refusal to listen to the show’s creator hurt it). Star Trek: The Next Generation ran for seven seasons, and so did Deep Space Nine. Of them all, Deep Space Nine is my favourite.

8. The PlayStation 5 has experienced supply issues due to a chip shortage. What are your top five potato chip flavours?

This question threw me! Anyway, Salt ‘n’ Vinegar, Cheese and Onion, Roast Chicken, Smoky Bacon, and Beef and Onion.

9. “Remember, remember, the 5th of November” is a line from the movie, V for Vendetta. What do you remember about November 5, 2021?

Though this was very recent, I don’t remember that much! My abiding memory is my cat being terrified, and my feeling worried for the little fur-ball.

10. How would you explain the “high five” hand gesture to someone who doesn’t know what it is?

Open your hand up, and raise your palm into the air, fingers wide, facing me. I will do the same. On my signal, we’ll cry ‘high five!’ and smack our palms together in a painful slap. This is an expression of exuberant joy and excitement.

Bonus Questions

1. If you could be five-years-old for the next 24 hours, what would you do?

Well, at the time of typing, I’d be at infant’s school, which, assuming I knew what I know now, would be extremely easy. After school it would hopefully be something like fish fingers and chips for tea, and playing with my little wooden train set, or toy cars, and not having a care in the world.

2. How many five-letter words can you type in two minutes? Do it, but don’t share the words with me. Your answer to this question will only be the number of words.

26.

3. Tell me the story behind the fifth photo in your phone (or camera, computer, photo album).

Ahem.

It’s a bid morbid, and intended as a bit of Facebook fun, as well as an expression of my irritation with how Christmas starts too early (in my book). I don’t mind if Christmas starts in December, but not in November! We’re burning out by the time the festive season should start, and we’re turning what should be a magical time into a heavily-commercialised, consumer-driven nightmare.

Anyway, that’s all folks! I wonder how I’ll do?!