Time for a difficult post. By that, I mean one that is difficult to write, because I don’t want to and yet, I feel like it needs to happen anyway. It has a purpose, and it’s been inspired by a recent ‘discussion’ I’ve been having about science. Here goes…
The author of Theology Archaeology recently put out the bold-faced lie that I cross-dress and am transgender. I don’t personally find the suggestion I am transgender offensive – but to TA, this claim is made to be insulting, for the concepts of transgenderism and homosexuality ae offensive to him. Therefore, to him, making such a statement about me plays to his audience – it is a means of discrediting my arguments without addressing them. It’s a rhetorical trick, one that’s been played many times by many people down the years, and it’s a surprisingly effective one too. Ad hominens, red herrings and the poisoning of the well – these logical fallacies continue to take place because people continue to believe them.
There’s a great sales adage – ‘people buy from people’. It sort of applies here. ‘facts and evidence aren’t what influence people – people are’.
I was going to write about the importance of honesty and accuracy. I certainly don’t take kindly to TA claiming I’ve said things I’ve never said, and when I informed him I would be purusing the matter with the relevant authorities if he did not change his post accordingly, he duly changed his post – because he knew he had no grounds with which to make his claim.
The thing is, I don’t get to be a white knight. I am no paragon of virtue. I have told lies and deceived people in the past (not, I hasten to add, regarding my discussion with TA), and these acts have caused others pain. Nor do I have any justification for these actions.
I am reminded of a moment from of all things, Doctor Who. The Doctor is confronted by a man who calls himself the Dream Lord. After a while, the Doctor figures out who this man really is, and why the Dream Lord hates him so much. ‘There’s only one person in the universe who hates me as much as you do’, he remarks. The truth? The Dream Lord is a manifestation of the Doctor, and the Doctor is riddled with self-loathing. That’s me.
Sometimes I want a do-over. I want to go back to the day I met my wife and this time, do the things I should have done but didn’t, and not do the things I shouldn’t have done but did. I hate the mistakes I made, and I hate myself for making them. I suppose in that sense, I am only human – a flawed, weak creature.
In the end though, life takes us down certain paths, and the paths I have gone down have led me to my daughter. If I were to unravel even one strand of my past, she wouldn’t be here, and that isn’t acceptable. So I will live with my pain. I will live with the anger I direct toward myself daily. I will mask it to whatever degree is necessary for her sake. My love for my daughter – and my wife – will eclipse the darkness.
Apologies for the deep post – the usual service will resume tomorrow.
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This may be my favourite post of yours yet. It was so good. I won’t ask about the lies, because that seems deeply personal, but I hope whatever it was you can find it within yourself to forgive.
Oh, and The Doctor reference. SO AWESOME. Not the point, but if you throw the Doctor in anywhere, I have a tendency to get a hard-on.
*Internet hugs*
We all have mistakes we’ve made in our pasts we wish we could go back & fix. You’re not alone & it doesn’t make you a bad person… unless you killed a kitten or something, which I highly doubt.