The Trump Card

I know, I know, I know, I said I wouldn’t do serious. I said that last time – see?

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But how can I ignore the encroaching and onrushing US election, now only days away, that promises to refine the world? Orange is getting closer to Hilary in the polls – FBI, if you’re reading this (and by using the word FBI, I assume you’ll track this post), what the fuck were you thinking?!

This is serious. This is like, the most serious of all serious things that could be happening right now. The future not only of ‘Murica but the entire world hinges on the decision of the US electorate, and meanwhile, you’re stirring up emails again, and they’re not even relevant! Does the word ‘timing’ compute in Quantico? I watch Criminal Minds – when Hotchner isn’t kicking his colleagues he’s got a smart head on his shoulders – assign your agents to the task of stopping serial killers, rather than poking around emails.

Do we want to see Trump and Pence in the White House? For the record, Pence is even scarier than Trump, and what should really be having people crapping themselves is the fact than an unrepentant homophobic, sexist dinosaur will be running the country, using the other dinosaur as a mouthpiece.

And I thought we’d done well to screw ourselves over here with Brexit. Brexit and Trump in the same year. Will the last humans off earth switch off the core?

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So what can we do? Well, here in the UK, I’m not sure we can do anything – we’re too busy have a constitutional crisis about Brexit. Plus we can’t vote on behalf of America.

Maybe we should start a new era of colonial rule. What say you America? Will you accept the Queen as your Head of State? Will you start calling sidewalks pavements? Will you accept the outcome of the EU referendum*?

I really don’t know anymore. What we are doing as a species? I mean, I’m a meerkat, so I should be asking – what are you doing as a species? How can a man like Trump possibly obtain the keys to nuclear codes? It’s like humanity is begging for an ass-kicking.

Ok, rant over. This ‘kat is calm again now. I’ve had my tea. I’ve had three teas in fact, and a coffee. So I’m chilled. Chillllllleeeeed…

timonscared

I’M PERFECTLY CALM!