Yesterday I enjoyed a nice trip to the pub, that would have been nicer if the angry drunk hadn’t been there. Never have I seen someone get so worked up over… wait for it… a chair.


Yes folks. That’s the reason for his rage. 


That’s the face I made. What happened exactly? Well, some visitors to the pub (who I think were from Holland – my sincere apologies to the Dutch!) sat down and one of them took an empty, unused chair from another table. Cue drunkard kicking off and launching into a tirade. He succeeded in embarrassing himself and the town, and the town, and in getting himself chucked out the pub to a round of applause. Thus ended the chair saga.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking ‘err, what?’ Well, the post title more or less (more less than more actually) sums up a truly strange dream I had last night. I think I know what inspired it, but even so, it was a trippy dream that I just cannot unravel in my head.

 

Yeah, that’s pretty much the face I pulled this morning. I was completely bewildered, but let’s start at the beginning. Scooby was on the ground, at some sort of landing pad for a space mission, and he had to get suited up to investigate a radiation leak (or some sort of problem involving radioactive materials). Meanwhile Fred, Daphney and Velma were trying to land a somewhat awkward craft. 

Once landed, the scene shifted. All of a sudden I was overseeing the removal of someone’s cranium and brain – whilst the poor sod was still alive. 

Cue escaping from the scene of the crime. There was also something to do with I’m a Celebrity… And swimming. All in all, complete and thorough confusion. 

I haven’t actually blogged properly for a little while. This occurred to me the other day, when I realised that over the past two weeks, The Legend of Zelda has dominated my site. Usually I’m discussing weird dreams, politics and the various strange events of my life. Let’s do a little of that here shall we?

Dreams

As usual my subconscious is a mysterious tour de force (or is that farce?). Last night I dreamed I was an Avenger, though I couldn’t figure if I was Spiderman or Iron Man. If I had to pick one to be, I’d be Iron Man, on account of his billions of dollars. Plus, I can’t really swing from building to building in my town.

I also had a very bewildering set of dreams last week, that I had planned to write about, but then went and completely forgot.

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Yeah, my bad. The annoying thing is, these dreams were a great showcase for my off the wall, quirky nature.

Strange Events

It might be me being completely paranoid, but every so often the house will creak and groan like someone is in a room that is in fact empty. We know the house was once lived in by an older lady (well, we think she was old). Could our domicile be haunted?!

Ok, probably not, but still…

Another strange quirk of coincidence – a colleague and I both happened to watch Jack Reacher last night, without communicating to each other about it beforehand. It was quite an enjoyable number as it happens, so my wife and I might sit down to watch the sequel at some point in the near future.

Other Stuff

Is it wrong for a 30-something man to be eagerly looking forward to the new Duck Tales series? If so, then I’m as wrong as a meerkat can be!

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Sometimes, I manage to embarass myself through saying or doing something really stupid. Tonight, I managed to do this by not noticing something.

What did I not notice? My wife and daughter, even though I had walked right past them on the way home from work.

How did I manage this remarkable feat? Well, in my defence, I present the following evidence:

  1. It was dark. I also had my hood up and so my vision was obscured.
  2. I had my headphones in and was very focused on my power walk, so I didn’t hear my wife calling me.

Nonetheless, this remarkable gaffe is one I managed to compound. My wife got my attention by phoning me, upon which I immediately turned around. I had been aware of a woman walking with their child (just not that they were my wife and child), but for some reason, in the periphary of my vision, I thought they were Chinese. I don’t know why. Upon mentioning this, the ribbing has been merciless. I don’t think I shall ever live this one down.

Inspired by this post from Paul, over at The Captain’s Speech, I thought I would create my own list. Can I list out 101 things?

It had better include me…

Yes, it will include you.

1. My family. Less of a like and more of a love (obviously!). I am fortunate enough to have a loving family, and I am eternally grateful for them and to them.

2. The Lion King. This is obvious to anyone who knows me.

3. Star Trek. Again, obvious.

4. Star Wars. I am a geek.

5. Doctor Who. Yeaaaah.

I’m not seeing me on this list yet…

Oh be quiet. Moving on…

6. The Bacon Double Cheese Burger from Burger King. Any burger that’s the size of your head is a worthy burger, and this is the best piece of fast food out there. It can be made healthy if ordered with an orange juice.

7. The Marvel Cinematic Universe. I mean come on, the scope of what they are doing is remarkable. It’s worthy of being liked!

8. Writing fan fiction. I don’t do this nearly enough.

9. Pigs in blankets. Simply put, mini sausages wrapped in bacon. Traditionally only eaten at Christmas, and they are gorgeous.

10. Formula 1. There’s nothing quite like it. Fast cars, thrills, spills and high drama.

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Ahem. Am I not even worthy of placing in the top ten?

I told you, there’s no set order. Besides, I mentioned The Lion King already.

11. Liverpool FC. This is something of a ‘love/hate’ relationship, but in the end, I always come back, no matter what they put me through.

12. The Legend of Zelda. Not every game in this series has been an outright classic, but there’s more gold than coal here, and the standout game in the series for me, A Link to the Past, is the best game of all time.

13. Nintendo in general. I just love them. They’re awesome.

14. Roast lamb. This is simply gorgeous. Cooked properly, it melts in your mouth.

15. Cadburys. You can keep your Hershey nonsense, I want real chocolate, and that’s Cadburys for me. Boost bars, YUM.

16. Terminator 2. One of the few occasions where a sequel has been as well received as the original.

17. Old Speckled Hen Ale. Henry, this shout out is for you, and your fine ale!

18. Ale in general. I don’t mind lager, but ale has depth and flavour that lager just cannot match.

19. Game of Thrones. Just don’t get attached to any of the characters.

20. Coffee. This is one of a trilogy of great gifts that humankind has given itself.

21. Cuddling. Sometimes, left can be made just a little bit better by snuggling up to someone you love.

22. The Star Trek vs Star Wars debate. Yeah, it’s frivolous, but I don’t care. It’s provided some stimulating conversation down the years and I’ve enjoyed it.

23. Peanut Butter. Just wow. This stuff is addicitive.

24. Bacon. Part 2 of the trilogy. In fact, it’s part 3, but I’m not going to tell you what part 1 actually is.

25. My daughter’s laughter. There is something therapeutic and uplifting about hearing my little girl laugh, especially when she’s hysterically chortling. It is hilarious and brilliant.

26. Storks. This animated film is an unexpected hit for me. It’s surprisingly emotional and very funny.

27. Summer. The warmth of the sun, the sweet smell of flowers in bloom, and an excuse to get out the barbecue. Definitely preferred over winter.

28. My job. Yes, I like my job. It’s thoroughly enjoyable!

29. Trains. To some, trains are Victorian relics, but to me, they are the most romantic form of travel. It’s exciting!

30. Rail maps. Related to the above. I just like looking at them.

31. Timon. See,  you made it!

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So why Timon? He’s a neurotic yet fun and outgoing guy. So 1 out of 3 ain’t bad?

32. Trinity. hni_0048

Sadly we had to say goodbye to this wonderful and loving cat in 2016, but she will never be forgotten. She always had time for a cuddle, and never turned down space on someone’s lap. She was always happy, and very gentle.

33. Chinese takeaway. I need to be good this year. If I can get into a good shape my wife will let me open my Star Wars Micro Machines, so I will need switch to protein-rich foods like eggs and chicken, and curb takeaways. This. Will. Be. Tough. Sweet and sour chicken balls, egg fried rice, shredded duck and pancakes… drool.

34. Bananas. My favourite fruit.

35. Lions. These majestic animals carry such power. They are ferocious, yet you can look at them and see in them the behaviour of your average housecat, which never fails to amaze me. Like their feline cousins tigers, lions need protecting.

36. Australia. I went there once, all the way back in 2004, and if I had the means to retire there one day, I would. It’s a beautiful country (just watch out for all the things that can kill you), and a place I would love to see again.

37. Super Mario Kart. The original SNES version is still the best for me, but there is something to be said for playing it online (my wife may disagree with me here, given the sailor’s language I use whilst playing!).

38. Football Manager. Like Mario Kart, this is capable of inducing rage, but when you’re winning it feels very good!

39. London. Don’t get me wrong, the city can be a stressful place, but London has so much history, found in every corner, and it fascinates me.

40. I’m struggling now. Indian food. It’s gorgeous.

41. I’m not going to name all my friends, but to each and everyone of you, you have touched my life in a variety of ways, and thank you.

So, I’ve made it to 41. I am completely stuck for more. 


You quitter!

It’s late and my Brian is fried! For now, this is the list. If I think of more stuff I’ll add it.

By now you’ll be aware that my subconscious is a mysterious place, and not even I pretend to know the murky depths of it. I got another dose of that the other night, with a dream that can only be described as odd.

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Really Ben, the best description you have is ‘odd’?

Quiet meerkat. Hush. So anyway, I dreamt I was walking home – from school, except I was an adult. It’s a route that is familiar to me from my school days – I walked home, to my parents’ house, let myself in, and found myself home alone. No big deal. After pottering around the house I went to bed, only to be woken up by a loud knock at the door. What sight greeted me? The police.

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Ha, your criminal past caught up with you!

I only ate one biscuit without her knowing. So anyway, there were four officers (yes, four), who had come to arrest me – for reasons they wouldn’t disclose. I didn’t want to cause a scene (even though I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to be told why you’re being arrested), so I left with them. I recall getting into the police car, then waking up.

What was that all about?

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase ‘fire at will’.

I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.